


Goodberries and Cheriberries

by RatzeFlummi



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Massage, Paralysis, Poisoning, i had to end it where i did or it would have drifted off into smut, i meant to write whump. i accidentally wrote a comedy of errors instead, shippy if you squint?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:02:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23079052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RatzeFlummi/pseuds/RatzeFlummi
Summary: At first Geralt didn't react at all to his friend hitting the ground with a dull thud.Only after Dandelion lay there for a couple seconds completely motionless and still stiff as a board, did Geralt start to grow concerned."Are you gonna get up?"No response from the bard.Geralt crouched down to poke him in the shoulder. "Dandelion?"-Or: Dandelion tries to go foraging. It goes poorly for everyone involved.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	Goodberries and Cheriberries

**Author's Note:**

> didya get the reference in the title?

“We just ate something two hours ago.”

“Well... Sure. But you don’t know how long this beasty is going to take to show up. We might be here a couple hours, and then we’ll be glad that we thought ahead.”

“Could have thought ahead earlier and taken something from the inn,” Geralt grumbled under his breath.

“Besides,” Dandelion continued, still rustling around in the underbrush, “Lunch time is coming up.”

Geralt sighed. “There’s really no need to start foraging right now.”

“And think about Roach!” Dandelion called out, as if he wasn’t listening to a word Geralt said. “What if she gets too hungry to carry us? Personally I’d rather not find out just how long of a walk it is back from here.”

“I brought some food for Roach,” Geralt said, producing an apple from a pocket.

Dandelion finally poked his head back up out of the bushes. “Oh, you brought apples? Great! We’ll just eat those!”

“No,” Geralt said, halting Dandelion in his tracks. “Because these are for Roach.”

“Well, then I’ll just have to keep looking.” And the bard vanished back into the underbrush.

Sometimes - just sometimes - Geralt wondered why he continued to travel with Dandelion.

* * *

“Aha!” Came the call after a couple of minutes.

Quickly after, Dandelion returned triumphant with a bushel of red berries clutched in his hand.

“What’s that?” Geralt asked sceptically. He didn’t immediately recognize the berries at the distance, but they looked generic enough to the point where they could go either way between food and poison.

“Don’t you recognize them? These are Goodberries! You eat one of them and they’ll keep you sated for the rest of the day!”

Geralt did in fact not recognize them, which already didn’t bode well. “Alright?”

“They’re supposed to taste real good as well!” With that the bard was already popping one into his mouth.

“Supposed?” Geralt asked. “Have you never seen any in-”

In less than a second, Dandelion's face turned ashen, his eyes grew wide, and his body froze in place. 

“-person…”

At first Geralt didn't react at all to his friend hitting the ground with a dull thud. 

Only after Dandelion lay there for a couple seconds completely motionless and still stiff as a board, did Geralt start to grow concerned.

"Are you gonna get up?"

No response from the bard.

Geralt crouched down to poke him in the shoulder. "Dandelion?"

Nothing.

Geralt's gaze fell onto Dandelion's hand which was still holding most of the berries.

Geralt picked one up and gave it a sniff. 

Of course. 

This might as well happen. 

Geralt cursed. 

At least it explained Dandelion's condition. 

On closer inspection, Geralt had indeed seen those exact berries before on two occasions. He’d always been lucky enough to not have been the one to eat them, but he’d seen the effects on other people.

The first hadn't gotten any treatment and had recovered by himself after a week. 

Now, they didn't have that kind of time, so Geralt didn't consider waiting to be a valid option. 

The second man had been treated with an ointment applied directly to the skin. 

All the skin. 

But he was up again the very same day. 

And, well, the third was Dandelion, petrified, but he should still be conscious as far as Geralt remembered. 

Which wouldn't exactly make this task easier or more pleasant for either of them, but oh well. 

"Dandelion," Geralt addressed his friend, still crouched over his paralized form, "what you did here was a classic case of messing up. That wasn't a Goodberry but a Cheriberry, which has some potent paralyzing properties. You'll be fine. It usually wears off after a week on its own, but I'll make you an antidote, so it'll go away faster."

Unsurprisingly, Dandelion didn't answer. 

"Right."

Geralt would need to go and gather some herbs for the antidote, but he could hardly leave Dandelion lying on the forest floor while he did. 

Now, this would prove to be a problem in and of itself. 

Dandelion's body wasn't flexible enough right now to be slung over a shoulder, or better yet, over Roach's back. 

There were pretty much zero good options for transporting Dandelion right now. 

He'd have to carry him in a bear hug all the way back to the inn. 

Geralt sighed. 

The things you do for friends. 

"Dandelion? I'm gonna have to pick you up now. Might be uncomfortable, but there’s nothing to be done about that."

Geralt took Dandelion's silence as consent. 

"Alright, here goes."

He wound his arms under his friend's back and slowly stood him up. He then hitched him up and pressed him to his chest, to keep Dandelion's feet from dragging along the floor. 

"Come on, Roach."

The initial trek to the clearing had taken them barely an hour on horseback.

Backtracking on foot, while almost stumbling over Dandelion every couple of steps, took about three times as long, and they only made it back well into the afternoon.

At least they'd had the luck of not being attacked.

The inn itself was blessedly empty, and the innkeeper didn't ask too many questions, but was in fact even helpfully pointing Geralt into the direction of some of the herbs he'd need.

All in all the circumstances were unexpectedly convenient. If you disregarded the condition of the bard.

* * *

It still took Geralt until sunset to gather all the ingredients, and then some longer to actually mix them together in the right proportions, so it was already dark outside by the time he got back to the room where he'd left Dandelion sprawled out on the bed.

"Good evening. Did you miss me?" Geralt called out to let Dandelion know it was him. 

He first busied himself with lighting the candles in the room, so he didn't notice it immediately, but when he looked at Dandelion, the bard looked back at him. 

"Well, look at you. You can move again! Somewhat."

Dandelion's eyes pointedly shifted away from Geralt. 

"Hey, don't ignore me." He stepped to the side of the bed and gave a pat to Dandelion's chest. "I got something for you."

Dandelion's eyes flicked back to him.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Geralt presented the tub of ointment. "This'll cure your paralysis."

Dandelion kept looking at him.

"Right. Don't know why I waited for an answer there. Um, I'll have to rub it onto your skin, so hold still."

Dandelion's face showed no reaction. Of course it didn't. But Geralt could picture exactly what kind of look he would have received for that normally. 

"I guess I'll start with your face."

Dandelion hadn't been able to blink for a couple hours now, which really couldn't have been too healthy for him. So Geralt started on the eyes, picking up a bit of ointment and gently rubbing it into his eyelids.

It seemed to take effect immediately, and Dandelion squeezed his eyes shut as soon as he could. 

"Better, huh?"

A bit more ointment went on the rest of Dandelion's face and jaw, and soon he was soundlessly working his mouth. 

"That's not gonna work just yet. Hang on a bit."

He moved lower, fingers digging into the back of the bard’s neck, and gently working his throat. He took particular care with Dandelion’s windpipe and vocal cords. They really needed those working properly.

Not like Getalt needed Dandelion whining during this whole process, but he had to admit that it was eerily quiet, and a bit creepy to not have Dandelion talking back at him.

Geralt thought he'd done a good enough job, but all that came out of Dandelion's throat were a couple pathetic wheezing noises. 

Right, his breathing was pretty shallow as well. They'd have to get his chest working properly, before any amount of talking would be feasible. 

"Gonna undress you now," Geralt said with a pat to Dandelion's shoulder. 

The vest was easy enough to remove, if a bit awkward, since Geralt had to tilt Dandelion's entire body up. The shirt proved more of a problem, and, even if he knew he'd get an earful later on, he decided it'd still be best to just cut it off. 

“Might as well be thorough.”

Geralt moved to straddle his friend’s waist, so he could get his hands on both of Dandelion’s shoulders at once.

He- he decided to start with Dandelion’s arms. That was bound to be less uncomfortable for both of them, and it would mean that Dandelion could do the rest by himself, as soon as he could use his arms again.

It was still incredibly weird to have his hands all over his friend, while Dandelion couldn't decide whether he should look at Geralt, look off to the side, or just keep his eyes shut.

That was over quickly enough though, and he had to move on to Dandelion's chest.

Well, truly he didn't have to. 

He could still decide to wait it out; leave Dandelion in this state for a bit. 

But, yeah, he had to. 

“Better appreciate this. Didn’t have to go out of my way to help you,” Geralt muttered, eyes locked on to Dandelion’s sternum, but he still started to diligently massage the ointment into his friend’s shoulders and chest.

At least Dandelion had finally decided that keeping his eyes closed was the best option.

Geralt still decided to work as quickly as possible, only lingering longer on the lower ribs and the abdomen.

That seemed to finally free up Dandelion’s diaphragm, and he drew in a deep breath that he let out again in a shaky sigh. 

Geralt paused in his ministrations. "You with me?"

"Yeah." Dandelion sounded out of breath, but he was talking, and Geralt couldn't keep the relieved smile from his face. 

He poked his finger into Dandelion's chest. "Next time, you do some research before you eat some random plant you find in the forest."

"Yes, father," Dandelion drawled with a roll of his eyes. 

Geralt raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "Good to see you're feeling better. I guess if you're well enough to be sarcastic, you're also well enough to take care of the rest of this yourself," he said, indicating the ointment, and making like he was about to get up and leave.

“No! Ge- Wai- Hang on! I can’t move yet!”

“Hm?” Geralt raised an eyebrow and settled back down.

“Well, for one, my back’s still completely stiff, so I couldn’t sit up if I tried. And I can’t move my arms yet either.”

Dandelion flexed his fingers, and moved his forearms a bit, but his upper arms stayed resolutely still.

"Right, because those muscles are…," Geralt trailed off and flipped Dandelion over in one swift motion. 

The exact words of Dandelion's protests were muffled into the pillows.

Geralt went back to straddling his friend’s waist, and got to massaging the ointment into the shoulder blades and along the back.

This was slightly more comfortable, so he took a bit more time, right up until he heard a contented groan slip out of his friend. 

He let the first one slide, but at the second one he stopped and dug his fingernails into the bard’s back in a warning.

“Dandelion. I swear to the gods. If you don’t shut up.”

What exactly he’d do, he didn’t say, but he knew that Dandelion would come up with his own colorful scenarios.

“You’re so bloody good at it though,” Dandelion replied in a dreamy sigh.

Geralt dug his nails in a bit deeper, until he heard a sharp intake of breath.

“Okay! Yes! Point taken!”

He went a bit quicker after that, until he’d covered the entire back and hit the waistband of Dandelion’s pants.

“There. That should do it.”

Dandelion cracked his neck, and rolled his shoulders with several loud.

Geralt allowed him the relieved groan this time.

“You don’t usually realize just how many muscles go into doing that,” Dandelion said.

“Well,” Geralt said with a pat to his friend’s shoulder, “looks like you can do the rest yourself.”

“Don’t you want to keep going?” Dandelion blinked up at him with what he probably assumed were puppy dog eyes.

Geralt set the tub of ointment down in Dandelion’s reach and wordlessly got up.

“Spoilsport,” Dandelion mumbled. 

It was still a bit of a struggle, but he managed to turn himself around on the bed.

Satisfied that his friend was actually able to take care of himself, Geralt went to sit at the table in the corner and pull up his gear to busy himself with some light maintenance.

He hadn’t gotten very far, when Dandelion spoke up.

“Uhm… I hate to ask, but…”

Geralt turned back around to see Dandelion struggling with his pants.

He’d been hoping to spare them both the indignation, but he supposed that would have been too easy.

Ah, well. Nothing to be done.

He set down his gauntlet and walked over to the bed.

Looking off to the side, he matter-of-factly pulled his friend’s pants and underwear down in one swift motion, and left a now completely bare Dandelion to his own devices once more.

Geralt had just gotten started on replacing the plating on his gauntlet, when Dandelion spoke up again.

“Um. Geralt? Now, I _really_ hate to ask…”

“What’s th-”

Dandelion was lying on his side, futilely trying to reach the back of his legs.

Without a word, Geralt stepped up to the bed, took Dandelion by the shoulder and pushed him face-down into the mattress.

“I should have just left you there,” Geralt grumbled, but he got up onto the bed anyway, straddling Dandelion’s legs.

“You better realize you owe me for this.”

Dandelion twisted around to raise an eyebrow at him. “Oh yeah? How much do _you_ owe _me_ then?”

What was-

Right. The chamomile.

His face must have given him away, because Dandelion turned back around with a triumphant huff.

Geralt sighed.

The things you do for friends.

**Author's Note:**

> thus marks the end of my first witcher ff. let me know what you think. comments are greatly appreciated!
> 
> p.s.: the title is reference to a dnd spell, and an item that heals paralysis in the pokemon games


End file.
